Childhood's End
by SeaWench
Summary: When everyone starts avoiding her - again - Dawn knows something is most definitely up. Incorporates all canon, including Season 8 comics and Fray.


Written for zaph in the 2008 axial_tilt ficathon. Edited a bit to archive here.

--

Dawn had had enough. As if it weren't bad enough living in a castle full of girls who were cooler than her (although none of them were made from mystical energy), now even Xander was avoiding her. She could live with Buffy being all aloof and leadery, and Willow had other things to deal with, but Xander had always had time for her. Even when she was giant – and man was that a sucky six months – he had been the only person who came to check on her every day. It hadn't helped her get over her crush any, but it had been nice.

Now, things were just weird. They were all focused on the new Twilight guys and some big plan to fix everything, but the Dawn avoidance was off even the usual world-is-ending-busy-now scale. Something was going on, and she was not going to rest until she found out. After finding some ice cream, that is. Snacks disappeared fast in a castle full of teenagers.

Ice cream found and devoured, Dawn began her search. Willow was away from her usual haunts. Buffy wasn't anywhere near her room or Satsu's (and man was that off the weird charts). Xander's room was empty, but she finally discovered him in the control room making Nick Fury faces at the monitor while no one was around to see.

"We need to talk"

He jumped. "Never the opening to a pleasant conversation."

"Really."

"What's up, Dawnmeister?"

"You're avoiding me."

"Why would you think… I'm not…"

"It wasn't a question. You're avoiding me. The question is, why?"

"Dawnster…"

"Don't Dawnster me. I want an answer and I'm not leaving until I get one."

"It's not like… Dawn…"

"Don't make me use the puppy dog eyes."

He was about to break; she could tell. "Or I could send Renee some security feeds of you prancing around up here like Nick Fury."

"That's … evil!"

Success! "I am a Summers."

With a sigh, Xander keyed in a communicator code. "Willow, I think you should get up here. It's Dawn"

"Right away."

For the first time, Dawn was less sure of herself. "Why can't you just tell me. What's going on?"

"It's … complicated." Xander looked really worried. This wasn't what Dawn had expected. Usually it was just an annoying people thing or a Buffy's might be going to die again thing. Those, she was used to.

"Please, Xander. What's going on?"

"We decided to tell you together." Willow swooped into the room. "We thought it would be better for you that way."

"Better for me? What's going on? Is something going to happen to Buffy?"

The two adults exchanged glances. "Not Buffy, Dawnie."

"Something's going to happen to me? I'm not going to get giant again am I, because that would be so unfair."

"No, Dawnie."

"Then what?"

Xander looked pained. "You know what we're working on, right? To get rid of Twilight?"

"Buffy said something about banishing all the demons and vampires and what not. I sort of tuned her out after she told me I couldn't help. Why?"

"It's the 'what not' we're worried about Dawnster."

"I've been working on it for months, trying to figure away around the problem, but if the spell works..."

"What? You guys are scaring me."

"All the magic goes too." Xander spit it out like a bad taste.

"Even the good magic?"

"All the magic. And we're not sure what that means for you." It wasn't the first time Dawn had seen Willow nervous, but it was still weird. Willow didn't get nervous anymore. She just got mad.

"Because magic made me."

"Right."

"Does Buffy know?"

"No. We didn't want her to have to worry before we could be sure."

"Willow, what do you think is going to happen?"

"We don't know, Dawnie."

You said that. I asked, what do you _think_ is going to happen?"

Willow looked at Xander. "We really don't…"

"There are three things. My favorite, you stick around and everything is the same except Buffy's got a little less of a pest problem." He paused, unwilling to go on. "But, without any magic left, the spell could reset everything to the way it was. The way it was before Glory."

"And I wouldn't exist at all anymore."

"Dawnie…"

"No, no. It's better to know." She sat silently for a moment. "You said three things. What's the third?"

"Well, you're human now, so the spell might not affect you."

"Xander already said that."

"No, Dawn. The spell might not affect _you_. The rest of us, our memories… We just don't know enough. As soon as we find out more, we'll talk to Buffy and…"

Willow's voice seemed to fade out as Dawn thought about the possibilities. Not existing didn't sound great, but it was something she had always suspected might happen in the back of her mind.. It was a horrible thought, but understandable. Not remembering, the others not remembering, Buffy not remembering… Dawn didn't even want to think about it. When Buffy found out, she would…

"No."

"What?" Willow looked taken off guard. Xander simply waited for her to finish.

"Don't tell Buffy any of this,"

"Dawnie, we have to."

"No. You haven't told her until now for a reason. You're not going to tell her, ever."

"We didn't tell her before because we didn't …"

"Xander, this is my decision. I know you two still think I'm just a kid and…"

"We don't."

"Willow, please. Stop. I'm not letting you tell her. For all you know nothing is going to happen. If I'm fine, Buffy doesn't know. If I disappear, Buffy doesn't know. If the third thing happens, if no one remembers who I am… I'll deal, but I don't want her to have think about it. She's going enough to worry about without me getting in the way again."

"Dawn, you're never-"

"I know I get in the way, Xander. I always have. That's what little sisters do, real or pretend. This is me getting out of the way. It's my life. It's my decision." She looked at Willow, who was about to protest again. "And that's final."

"We'll talk about this more later." Willow swept out of the room with as much defiance as she could muster under the circumstances, Xander just stood still, looking at Dawn with an expression she'd never seen before."

"What?"

"I think you just grew up."

"Maybe."

"Scary, isn't it?"

"You have no idea."

*****

"Listen, nothing's definite here. For all we know, you could walk out of this just as Dawn-like as ever."

"But you'll stay with me?"

"Always." Xander reached over to take her hand.

She met his eyes for a moment and saw something new there, something she'd waited to see for a long time. In a different time and place, she might have gone for it and kissed him. Part of her wanted to anyway, just in case the worst happened. Instead, she took a breath, laid her head on his shoulder, and let the moment pass.

The air crackled with the energy of a thousand thunderstorms, small flashes of lightning illuminating the courtyard walls. This was the moment, it was coming, and Dawn could face it knowing Xander was there beside her. She clutched his hand the way she had when they watched horror movies back in Sunnydale, the way she had when Buffy didn't recognize her, the way she had at Buffy's funeral. She held onto it as if it were her anchor to life, the universe, and everything she had ever known. If it hurt him, he didn't complain. He just smiled, hugged her close, and stroked her hair as the sky burst into flames.

*****

[...}

They drift about the darkening city squares,  
coats blown in evening winds and fingers feeling  
familiar holes in pockets, thinking: Life  
has always been a counterfeit, a dream  
where dreaming figures danced behind the glass.

[...]

The undertone of all their solitude  
is the unceasing question, "Who am I?  
A shadow's image on the rainy pavement  
walking in wonder past the vivid windows,  
a half-contented guest among my ghosts?  
Or one who, imagining light, air sun,  
can now take root in life, inherit love?

-Childhood's End by Denise Levertov

Title from the above poem and from the novel by Arthur C. Clarke, a visionary who recently passed on.


End file.
